Tag Archives: writing

Dream, Please come back

You know that dream, the one where you keep forgetting to go to class and then you show up at the final exam, completely unprepared?  I never had that dream while in college or in graduate school but then used to have it all the time once I was working and dealing with real-life stresses.  I never realized that other people have that exact same dream.  Recently, while riding in an elevator with my son, I was telling him about that particular dream.  A woman overheard me and said, “oh, I hate that dream.”

I will admit, my life is relatively stress-free right now.  I am a stay-at-home parent with three kids.  Sure, there are the usual challenges of raising a family — shuttling them to their activities, making sure homework is done, and keeping them healthy and happy.  It can be chaotic and hair-raising at times, but still manageable.

Lately though, something else has been gnawing away at the relative calm in my days.  See, I am writing a book.  Actually, I have finished the book.  Hooray, you think.  But, now I am trying to secure an agent so I can actually get it published.  And, then there’s the worry that I think the book needs to be better — a lot better.  It’s time for serious edit-mode but I am just unsure how to move it forward.  I registered for an online writing class, with deadlines and homework, so I am hoping it pushes me to keep going and revise, revise, revise.  But, how will I know when I’ve done all I can do?  How will I know when the book is at that point when someone else just might think it’s fabulous too?

I am exhilarated about this book but I am also anxious about the uncertainty — the quality of the writing coupled with the unknown of ever securing of an agent makes me a tad bonkers.  It’s tough out there in publishing and it may not happen for me, at least not now. I can accept that.  But, I will need to know that I pushed hard enough, that I did everything that I could possibly do before moving on.

I am almost waiting for that dream to appear.  Because if it does show up, it will be a signal:  I am stressed out.  And then I will know that my subconscious is channeling that stress to let me know that yes, I am working hard enough and care about this project a lot.  So, even though I hate that dream too, I hope it comes back soon.

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